Hello everybody. I know this is Ashwin's blog, but that asshole is just too lazy to update it. He can sit all day long in front of his laptop but won't get enough time to regularly post stuff here. So I am posting something here today. This is not about him, its about me, it describes how I am forced to spend my day with this bum everyday.
First let me introduce myself. My name is Pixie, and I am the only dog of this house. He prefers calling me his pet and himself my owner, but I find it highly degrading. Afterall, I am also equally entitled to the love and affection from the family (Woof!!!!). As of now, he is in the shower, singing God alone knows which song, and I have to suffer listening to him alone as all the other family members are in some far away land, something called USA or something like that and this guy is doing a favor on me by staying back. Favor my Paw!!!!!!! So lemme begin.
I am lying nice and snug on my blanket. Ashwin is sprawled all over the bed. Dude, its 7 in the morning. Time to wake up you moron! Dad wakes up early and takes me for a nice stroll outside, and since you are doing a favor on me, you are supposed to get up too. Damn it. This guy is not going to get up so easily, and slowly my bladder has filled up to its limits. I cannot hold it for much longer. Some urgent damage control has to be done. And for me that's a very easy thing to do. I go close to his face and sniff around. Usually this is enough to wake up Sayali, our sister but she is not here and somehow its not working on this bony mass here. So I use my Brahmastra. I again close to his face and give him a nice saliva filled lick, proper on his nose. He wakes up yelling at me. "What the hell do you think you are doing ?" he shouts, apparently angry. But its easy enough to cool down his anger. I droop down my ears, my eyes nice and round and bingo.....that apologetic look on my face. We canines learn this very early in our lives with humans, a sad face is all it takes to melt them. "Awwww" he goes. "What happened now?". So at last this fellow comes to the point. "My bladder is about to burst and I would pee right on your bloody face if you don't take me out right away." I feel like saying, but these humans hardly understand our language. So I do a bit of jumping and dancing around and then rush to the door. That's enough of a signal and lazily he gets up and I get an opportunity to relieve myself. What a relief!!!!!!!!!!!!
MEOWWWWW.....MEOWWWWWW!!!!! Our cat, Pandu enters the kitchen. One thing I don't understand about this nut is, why the hell does he have to yell whenever he enters a room, it's like he is announcing his holy arrival. Cats!!!!! You can never understand them, but then, living under the same roof, I have to tolerate him somehow. As soon as Pandu enters the kitchen yelling his head off, Ashwin bends down and scoops him up on to his shoulder and cuddles him. Pandu promptly starts his purring. Sighhhh.....these males seem to be stupid in all species.
"Do you want some milk Catty ??" he asks Pandu, who makes one of those content looks (which in fact does not even look like a hungry one to me) and then Ashwin goes and prepares our bowls. After a patient wait, at last he puts my milk bowl infront and turns away. Duhhhhh....this guy is never gonna learn. When Mom gives me the milk, I always get a kiss on my nose before I start drinking. I stand next to my bowl and stare at him. Thankfully he understands this time and I get a peck on my nose. Now that's better, ain't it ? And SLURPPPP.... I start on the milk.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ .... so nothing really to talk about unless you are interested in the dogs that I chase in my dreams.
It's time for Ashwin to have his lunch, and for me its time to act like a forever hungry dog who has not had a morsel for days. He sits at the table, munching away while I sit on the ground next to him with my hungry faces. Occasionally I receive a glare back from him to stop acting like a glutton and I promptly stare in the opposite direction. I wait like that for a couple of seconds, and then without turning my head, I look towards him if he's still glaring. If yes, then I again look away, if not, then back to the hungry looks. This game continues till he finishes and its time for my lunch. Off we go back into the kitchen and Pandu tails along with his yells.
When I think of food, the saliva just flows uncontrollably. They say it's bad manners to drool, but then, even a dam cannot control a flooded river after a certain point. And it's much worse because this guy is way slower at preparing my meal than Mom. I wait with the drool falling in sticky long drops down my mouth while Pandu walks in between my feet brushing away all the time. Irritating cats, as if brushing to me is going to make that slowcoach any faster. Then suddenly, out of nowhere I get a bite from Pandu right at my elbows, and that's where my limit is crossed and I snap back at him. After that he stays at a safe distance and chooses the fridge to brush against. After what seems an eternity, Ashwin at last prepares the food and keeps the plate in front of us. A point to be noted is as far as solid food is concerned, I don't wait for kisses to start eating. Somehow I have to finish the food as soon as possible, maybe some unknown hungry monster might come and finish it before I do. So I attack the food, and all of it is in my tummy before you can even say "WOOF".
I have finished my food, but then Pandu is still eating. Why do cats have to eat so slowly. This guy usually does not eat properly, or rather completely. He has to leave those little morsels on his plate. And I am left with the job of cleaning it up. You may think that I am a real obsessive glutton, finishing off the cat's plate which would contain only a couple of rice grains hardly enough to fill an ant's stomach. But then, I live by the principle that food, in any form should never be wasted. There are many dogs on the streets who don't get proper food, and here cats are wasting their food as if its their owner's property, so I oblige.
Now it's time for the big job. Something that all living creatures have to perform daily if they want a healthy and comfortable life. Yes, you guessed it right, it's time to add manure to the infertile lands outside.
But once again, this dumbass is sitting glued to his laptop smiling at the screen. Most probably chatting with some female of his species I guess. Hey You! This no time to indulge in chats. I have to answer the call of nature, and answer if fast. So please lift your butt from that chair and take me out.
"You have to go out all the time, don't you?" he asks me back. Duh, as if he doesn't do it himself, only in the toilet. I do my dancing act again and he obliges quickly enough.
He puts on the leash on my collar and out we go!!!!
There are two aspects of going out. Firstly you get such a variety of smells, especially on those tyres of the cars, its really heaven for a dog like me. And secondly, the irritating aspect --- stray dogs. What the hell was God thinking when he created them. Filthy, skinny, mostly infested with scabies...they were the most godforsaken species of all, and how much they love taunting me, especially those two black females. As soon as we get out of the building, they come barking at me, as if they were going to attack me savagely.
"Look at you!!" they bark. "All tied up and pulled by a human. You are their PET!!!" That word gets to my nerves more than anything else and I have to give back a reply.
"And what about you ?" I growl back to them. "Scrounging on things that people throw as garbage. At least I get good food everyday and I am not diseased like you, BITCH!!!"
"Whatever it may be, you are still their PET!!!!!"
Oh...how I wish that he would let go of my leash for once, I could teach these bitches a lesson in no time. But he just tugs hard at my collar and pulls me away. I still growl back some unspeakable "WOOF"s back at them and trot away as suddenly my bowels remind me what I had actually come out for. One chance.....just one Chance is all I need to show these bitches what I am made of.
Dinner time. Once again the same routine as that of lunch. I so wish that Mom would return fast from their trip. This fellow thinks he is a great cook, but I'd dare not differ with him. He might stop giving me totally. So I act as if he is the greatest chef in the world and that I am honored to be fed by him. Sighhh.
The official ZZZZ time. Official in the sense that now I HAVE to sleep on my blanket and not at any other place. I wait patiently as he unfolds my blanket and lays it down on the floor next to his bed. He puts on the AC, switches off the lights and ZZZZ both of us go.
I hope you didn't go ZZZZ while reading this. If you did, then please excuse me as this was the first time I wrote on a blog. But all the same, I would like to know your feedback on this.
Now that pathetic bathroom singer is coming out, so I'd better leave fast before he catches me with his laptop. Afterall for him, I am supposed to be a dumb dog. But you know the truth right. So as a signing off message, I would like to share a quote which was once quoted by his brother once.
"If beauty and grace are feline, then strength and loyalty are definitely canine. Not all men are dogs, but I am proud to be one."
WOOOOFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!
First let me introduce myself. My name is Pixie, and I am the only dog of this house. He prefers calling me his pet and himself my owner, but I find it highly degrading. Afterall, I am also equally entitled to the love and affection from the family (Woof!!!!). As of now, he is in the shower, singing God alone knows which song, and I have to suffer listening to him alone as all the other family members are in some far away land, something called USA or something like that and this guy is doing a favor on me by staying back. Favor my Paw!!!!!!! So lemme begin.
7:00 A.M
I am lying nice and snug on my blanket. Ashwin is sprawled all over the bed. Dude, its 7 in the morning. Time to wake up you moron! Dad wakes up early and takes me for a nice stroll outside, and since you are doing a favor on me, you are supposed to get up too. Damn it. This guy is not going to get up so easily, and slowly my bladder has filled up to its limits. I cannot hold it for much longer. Some urgent damage control has to be done. And for me that's a very easy thing to do. I go close to his face and sniff around. Usually this is enough to wake up Sayali, our sister but she is not here and somehow its not working on this bony mass here. So I use my Brahmastra. I again close to his face and give him a nice saliva filled lick, proper on his nose. He wakes up yelling at me. "What the hell do you think you are doing ?" he shouts, apparently angry. But its easy enough to cool down his anger. I droop down my ears, my eyes nice and round and bingo.....that apologetic look on my face. We canines learn this very early in our lives with humans, a sad face is all it takes to melt them. "Awwww" he goes. "What happened now?". So at last this fellow comes to the point. "My bladder is about to burst and I would pee right on your bloody face if you don't take me out right away." I feel like saying, but these humans hardly understand our language. So I do a bit of jumping and dancing around and then rush to the door. That's enough of a signal and lazily he gets up and I get an opportunity to relieve myself. What a relief!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:30 A.M
All the morning ablutions complete, now its time for some breakfast. Usually Mom gives me a bowl of milk and if I am lucky, then a biscuit from Dad. But now both of them are not here and I have to deal with this guy. He himself is having two bread with fried eggs and a mug of coffee, but clearly he has forgotten that I am also alive in the same kitchen. I am making all the hungry faces possible, but he is clearly trying to ignore me. And then the idiot of the house appears.MEOWWWWW.....MEOWWWWWW!!!!! Our cat, Pandu enters the kitchen. One thing I don't understand about this nut is, why the hell does he have to yell whenever he enters a room, it's like he is announcing his holy arrival. Cats!!!!! You can never understand them, but then, living under the same roof, I have to tolerate him somehow. As soon as Pandu enters the kitchen yelling his head off, Ashwin bends down and scoops him up on to his shoulder and cuddles him. Pandu promptly starts his purring. Sighhhh.....these males seem to be stupid in all species.
"Do you want some milk Catty ??" he asks Pandu, who makes one of those content looks (which in fact does not even look like a hungry one to me) and then Ashwin goes and prepares our bowls. After a patient wait, at last he puts my milk bowl infront and turns away. Duhhhhh....this guy is never gonna learn. When Mom gives me the milk, I always get a kiss on my nose before I start drinking. I stand next to my bowl and stare at him. Thankfully he understands this time and I get a peck on my nose. Now that's better, ain't it ? And SLURPPPP.... I start on the milk.
9:00 A.M - 1.00 P.M
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ .... so nothing really to talk about unless you are interested in the dogs that I chase in my dreams.
1.00 P.M. - 1:30 P.M.
It's time for Ashwin to have his lunch, and for me its time to act like a forever hungry dog who has not had a morsel for days. He sits at the table, munching away while I sit on the ground next to him with my hungry faces. Occasionally I receive a glare back from him to stop acting like a glutton and I promptly stare in the opposite direction. I wait like that for a couple of seconds, and then without turning my head, I look towards him if he's still glaring. If yes, then I again look away, if not, then back to the hungry looks. This game continues till he finishes and its time for my lunch. Off we go back into the kitchen and Pandu tails along with his yells.
When I think of food, the saliva just flows uncontrollably. They say it's bad manners to drool, but then, even a dam cannot control a flooded river after a certain point. And it's much worse because this guy is way slower at preparing my meal than Mom. I wait with the drool falling in sticky long drops down my mouth while Pandu walks in between my feet brushing away all the time. Irritating cats, as if brushing to me is going to make that slowcoach any faster. Then suddenly, out of nowhere I get a bite from Pandu right at my elbows, and that's where my limit is crossed and I snap back at him. After that he stays at a safe distance and chooses the fridge to brush against. After what seems an eternity, Ashwin at last prepares the food and keeps the plate in front of us. A point to be noted is as far as solid food is concerned, I don't wait for kisses to start eating. Somehow I have to finish the food as soon as possible, maybe some unknown hungry monster might come and finish it before I do. So I attack the food, and all of it is in my tummy before you can even say "WOOF".
I have finished my food, but then Pandu is still eating. Why do cats have to eat so slowly. This guy usually does not eat properly, or rather completely. He has to leave those little morsels on his plate. And I am left with the job of cleaning it up. You may think that I am a real obsessive glutton, finishing off the cat's plate which would contain only a couple of rice grains hardly enough to fill an ant's stomach. But then, I live by the principle that food, in any form should never be wasted. There are many dogs on the streets who don't get proper food, and here cats are wasting their food as if its their owner's property, so I oblige.
2:00 P.M - 4:00 P.M.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....yeah....its siesta time.....only difference is that I get my biscuit at 4:00 without any trouble.6:00 P.M.
Now it's time for the big job. Something that all living creatures have to perform daily if they want a healthy and comfortable life. Yes, you guessed it right, it's time to add manure to the infertile lands outside.
But once again, this dumbass is sitting glued to his laptop smiling at the screen. Most probably chatting with some female of his species I guess. Hey You! This no time to indulge in chats. I have to answer the call of nature, and answer if fast. So please lift your butt from that chair and take me out.
"You have to go out all the time, don't you?" he asks me back. Duh, as if he doesn't do it himself, only in the toilet. I do my dancing act again and he obliges quickly enough.
He puts on the leash on my collar and out we go!!!!
There are two aspects of going out. Firstly you get such a variety of smells, especially on those tyres of the cars, its really heaven for a dog like me. And secondly, the irritating aspect --- stray dogs. What the hell was God thinking when he created them. Filthy, skinny, mostly infested with scabies...they were the most godforsaken species of all, and how much they love taunting me, especially those two black females. As soon as we get out of the building, they come barking at me, as if they were going to attack me savagely.
"Look at you!!" they bark. "All tied up and pulled by a human. You are their PET!!!" That word gets to my nerves more than anything else and I have to give back a reply.
"And what about you ?" I growl back to them. "Scrounging on things that people throw as garbage. At least I get good food everyday and I am not diseased like you, BITCH!!!"
"Whatever it may be, you are still their PET!!!!!"
Oh...how I wish that he would let go of my leash for once, I could teach these bitches a lesson in no time. But he just tugs hard at my collar and pulls me away. I still growl back some unspeakable "WOOF"s back at them and trot away as suddenly my bowels remind me what I had actually come out for. One chance.....just one Chance is all I need to show these bitches what I am made of.
6:30 P.M. - 8:30 P.M.
Once again ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ .... what else am I supposed to do inside the house!!!!!9:00 P.M
Dinner time. Once again the same routine as that of lunch. I so wish that Mom would return fast from their trip. This fellow thinks he is a great cook, but I'd dare not differ with him. He might stop giving me totally. So I act as if he is the greatest chef in the world and that I am honored to be fed by him. Sighhh.
11:00 P.M.
The official ZZZZ time. Official in the sense that now I HAVE to sleep on my blanket and not at any other place. I wait patiently as he unfolds my blanket and lays it down on the floor next to his bed. He puts on the AC, switches off the lights and ZZZZ both of us go.
I hope you didn't go ZZZZ while reading this. If you did, then please excuse me as this was the first time I wrote on a blog. But all the same, I would like to know your feedback on this.
Now that pathetic bathroom singer is coming out, so I'd better leave fast before he catches me with his laptop. Afterall for him, I am supposed to be a dumb dog. But you know the truth right. So as a signing off message, I would like to share a quote which was once quoted by his brother once.
"If beauty and grace are feline, then strength and loyalty are definitely canine. Not all men are dogs, but I am proud to be one."
WOOOOFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!
Would love to meet you sometime with your dog, Dear Pixie ... nice one !
ReplyDeletePandu is a cat? Couldn't you think of some better name? ;-)
ReplyDeleteBut then I have funny names for my pets too....that's the best part of owning a pet- the naming ceremony! You can really get so creative!
This is an inspiration for me to write a post on my pets and a day in their lives! I'll do that soon!
Nice post! :-)
Hehe...that guy got the name as he tried to attack our full-size dog when he was a pip-squeak as we tried to introduce them ... n the name stuck....neway it suits that nut-case perfectly.
ReplyDeleteRegarding other funny names...we've had Rukmini, Misha, Captn Hook, etc in the past... :P
hey good work ashwin.. :)
ReplyDeleteI miss u lots Piku...bear wid Bhaiyya for a few more days...will bring u sumthing
ReplyDelete